Confessions of a Girl with a Goal

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June 13, 2011 by Beth Hess

I wrote most of this as an email to a friend this morning, then realized perhaps there were others who need to hear it, too. It’s a little scary to post my goals in such a public way, but since Courage is my word for 2011, there really is no other choice.

I was thinking of you as I was working through some “brainwork” this weekend as it pertains to eating habits. I hope maybe this will mean something to you as well. After we spoke briefly last week, I also talked with my doctor about helping kick-start some good habits, and he has prescribed a short-term medication to get me on the right track. It became the motivation I needed to get serious about not just losing weight, but changing my life. Changing my brain more than I was changing my waist.

 And here’s what happened. We went to MiCasita for dinner. I didn’t eat a single chip. Didn’t need them. Frankly, didn’t even want them. Was TOTALLY Ok passing them up even as my family enjoyed them because IT WAS MY CHOICE!!

 

In the past, I would approach chips, or bread, or sweets, or a menu, or any other temptation of the moment as a “I can’t have that” … as if some food policeman was going to haul me to jail for breaking a rule someone else set for me. Frankly, having some other force tell me what I can and can’t eat just makes me want to give them the finger and eat an entire pizza. That’ll show them!!

 

But what I realized over the last few days is that I HAVE A CHOICE! I don’t have to give my power to a list of Eat and Don’t Eat foods. I don’t have to give my power to what other people order and encourage me to eat. I get to decide what I want to put in my body and what I don’t. When I say “no” to chips because I “CAN’T” eat them, I feel crappy, deprived. When I say “no” to chips because I CHOOSE not to eat them, it feels VERY powerful. Freeing even. And I feel like I can take on the world.

 

This has become my foundation thought on this journey. Yes, I want to lose weight to look better, feel better, live longer, and be able to do more things. But what I really want is to come to the end and be able to say, “Well, look at that. I accomplished something really big!”

 

So I refocus myself with anticipation of cool insights and revelations along the way. Little moments of meeting little goals and surprising myself along the way. (Like not eating sugar for almost 6 months… who knew I could do that?? Again, not because I have told myself I can’t but because I said, “I wonder how long I can go without sweets.” Now it’s a personal challenge and who is going to throw 6 months of sugar-sobriety away for a stupid cupcake?)

 

Anyway, know that I am thinking of you and supporting you and here for anything you need along the way.

 

My original goal for 2011 was 52 pounds in 52 weeks. This is week 24 and I am down 23 pounds, so that’s right on track. After a sobering conversation with my doctor, however, he wants about 20-25 more pounds than that to get me to a good target weight. That feels big. HUGE. And, no, it doesn’t have to be all by the end of 2011. But I am finding that big goals can mean big motivation.

 

Can’t wait to see what I can accomplish!