Picking the Right Battles — And the Right Allies. My Messy Beautiful.

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April 14, 2014 by Beth Hess

 

psalm139-14My friend Kelli writes about showing her daughters her “mommy belly” — the one stretched by multiple pregnancies and age itself. And I brush it off. I, after all, am not raising daughters.

But moments after clicking on the next thing, the tears start to fall. Tears of unknown origin. Tears that feel like cracking slowly – the smallest of fissures that erode quickly beneath the saline. Until the sink hole opens below me, and truth starts swallowing me whole.

It’s not a new battle. Me vs. Food. But I’ve been wanting it to be different again. A renewed resolve after a clear view of the ground previously gained having been surrendered to the enemy again. Piece by piece. Morsel by morsel. Calorie by calorie.

I gaze upon the battlefield littered with fast food bags and soda cans, my lips still powdered with donut sugar, and I think I know what has to be done to change my relationship with food.

But then I read Brave Words about belly buttons. And I see the flaw in my solution.

Food cannot have a relationship with me. Whether carrots or carrot cake, food is just a collection of molecules. Brownies don’t give hugs. Pasta doesn’t ask me thoughtful questions. Diet Coke doesn’t laugh at my jokes.

The relationship that needs fixing is not with food. It’s with my body.  

My body, unlike food, is alive. It senses. It feels. It changes. It touches. It breathes. It replicates. It creates life. My body IS capable of relationship.

So my body and I are getting to know each other again. Slowly. Like new friends still nervous about past scars and failed attempts at healthy relationships.

It’s new. It’s a little strange. And it’s still hard to recognize her voice. Some days my body and I don’t talk as often as we should. Some days I still drown her voice with sugar. Some days we argue about who is to blame for the shape we’re in (or out of.)

But we’re talking. And that’s a good start.

“You made my whole being… I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.” (Psalm 139:14, NCV)

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4 thoughts on “Picking the Right Battles — And the Right Allies. My Messy Beautiful.

  1. […] to mark Day 1. To make friends with my body so we can be allies in the path and passion of my calling. My […]

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  2. […] My body can declare, “I am wonderfully made.“ […]

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  3. Simply Beth says:

    “The relationship that needs fixing is not with food. It’s with my body.” I just love these “messy beautiful” posts. These stories need to be told as they encourage… oh do they encourage those going through similar battles. It’s hard to imagine having a good relationship with my body but you are right — it’s not a broken relationship with food, it’s with our bodies. And Jesus wants to help us restore that relationship. Praying for you, friend. Praying for us both as we walk this journey together. I believe He has connected us for this very reason. Much love and hugs.

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  4. Rebecca says:

    So proud of you for embarking on this journey. You are such an inspiration! Can’t wait to read more. Hugs!!

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