October 12, 2014 by Beth Hess
It is a risk. Writing this story as it’s happening. Without knowing how it ends.
I get scared. I do. That I will stumble. That I will fail.
And that it would make you think less of my Jesus.
But for a long, long time He has been whispering to me, “Tell our story, Beth. Please just tell our story.”
As I write those words, the first tear finally falls. The only drop that I have let emerge in quite some time. I have been so very numb.
Whether from the sugar, or other foods, or medication, or just a slowly crafted wall, I have taught myself to be tough. Even how to write with emotion without fully feeling it.
It is a natural reaction to pain and pressure. The body knows no other course of action except to protect itself. So it builds — layer by layer — a tougher, thicker skin.
Up to 100 layers thick.
Guitarists desire it so their fingers are less damaged by the strings. For dancers, gardeners and carpenters, it is a necessary tool of the trade.
For skin, a callus can be a benefit.
For a heart, it’s another story altogether.
People have asked me how I’m doing without sugar now for nearly 2 weeks. Truth is… I’m not sure. Because I’m still so sugar-saturated, the feeling hasn’t returned to me yet.
Like Lazarus, I have been dead inside. Like Mary & Martha I have asked the Jesus weeping at my tomb of my heart, “Is it not too late? I have already begun to stink. This will be messy business.”
Jesus says: “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” He had told them to Watch and See. The very same promise He gave me a decade ago. The same promise He restored to me just weeks ago.
And, like Lazarus, He calls me by name.
Beth, Come Out.
So I start to emerge from my stupor. Staggering, still unsteady, towards recovery.
“Unbind her. And let her go.”
“Then you will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and raise you from your graves, my people. I will place my breath in you and you will live.” (Ezekiel 37:12-14)
The tears fall in sobs. Freely they flow now.
Because I know how this story ends.
I will See His glory. I will Know He is the Lord.
I. Will. Live.
Linking with my beautiful, full-of-grace friends at Unforced Rhythms.
In response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October while I stay sugar-free. You can read previous posts HERE. To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter using the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email. Feel free to Tweet your own experiences with #sugarsoberoctober as well.
PLEASE use the comment section to share your own thoughts, questions, or experiences. Like any road, sugar sobriety is one more easily walked with friends. I do my best to reply to every comment.