For When The First Tear Falls (Sugar Sober Series AND Word of The Week)

20

October 12, 2014 by Beth Hess

It is a risk. Writing this story as it’s happening. Without knowing how it ends.

I get scared. I do. That I will stumble. That I will fail.

And that it would make you think less of my Jesus.

But for a long, long time He has been whispering to me, “Tell our story, Beth. Please just tell our story.”

As I write those words, the first tear finally falls. The only drop that I have let emerge in quite some time. I have been so very numb.

Whether from the sugar, or other foods, or medication, or just a slowly crafted wall, I have taught myself to be tough. Even how to write with emotion without fully feeling it.

It is a natural reaction to pain and pressure. The body knows no other course of action except to protect itself. So it builds — layer by layer — a tougher, thicker skin.

Up to 100 layers thick.

Guitarists desire it so their fingers are less damaged by the strings. For dancers, gardeners and carpenters, it is a necessary tool of the trade.

For skin, a callus can be a benefit.

For a heart, it’s another story altogether.

People have asked me how I’m doing without sugar now for nearly 2 weeks. Truth is… I’m not sure. Because I’m still so sugar-saturated, the feeling hasn’t returned to me yet.

Like Lazarus, I have been dead inside. Like Mary & Martha I have asked the Jesus weeping at my tomb of my heart, “Is it not too late? I have already begun to stink. This will be messy business.”

Jesus says: “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” He had told them to Watch and See. The very same promise He gave me a decade ago. The same promise He restored to me just weeks ago.

And, like Lazarus, He calls me by name.

Beth, Come Out.

So I start to emerge from my stupor. Staggering, still unsteady, towards recovery.

“Unbind her. And let her go.”

Then you will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and raise you from your graves, my people.  I will place my breath in you and you will live.” (Ezekiel 37:12-14)

The tears fall in sobs. Freely they flow now.

Because I know how this story ends.

I will See His glory. I will Know He is the Lord.

I. Will. Live.

 

Linking with my beautiful, full-of-grace friends at Unforced Rhythms.

_______________________________________

sugarsoberoctoberIn response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October while I stay sugar-free. You can read previous posts HERE. To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter using the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email. Feel free to Tweet your own experiences with #sugarsoberoctober as well.

PLEASE use the comment section to share your own thoughts, questions, or experiences. Like any road, sugar sobriety is one more easily walked with friends. I do my best to reply to every comment.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “For When The First Tear Falls (Sugar Sober Series AND Word of The Week)

  1. […] 12: For When the First Tear Falls: Like Lazarus, I have been dead inside. Like Mary & Martha I have asked the Jesus weeping at my […]

    Like

  2. Hugs to you, Beth, for your tenderness and radical self-disclosure. Even though it’s true that no one has a right to determine what is brave for another person, I’ve got a sense this is as full of courage as anything I’ve seen in a long time. Bless you, dear friend.

    Like

    • Beth Hess says:

      Thank you Kelli. I have the sense that it’s actually one of those things that didn’t feel like it would take so much courage at the beginning, but now that I’m out on the actual tightrope and have to keep walking it forward, it’s only by knowing the blessing my story is to others that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other. Thank you for being among the faithful cheering me on to freedom.

      Like

  3. Deb Wolf says:

    God bless you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in your process toward healing. I know you are touching and inspiring exactly those who God had in mind when He gave you His command. I love how how He joins us together to know His strength. Thank you for this Beth!

    Like

  4. Natalie says:

    Come out. Not always an easy command to obey, but so worth it to follow his voice. Beautiful.

    Like

  5. ambercadenas says:

    I think this is one of the most beautiful things you’ve written yet, Beth. You are inspiring me – and others – friend, with your brave vulnerability. I see Jesus alive in you, in your story. Thank you.

    Like

  6. Abigail says:

    Love your heart in this story. Keep going, Beth! It will get easier!

    Like

  7. […] discharge. (Day 12 was posted kind of late in the day, so if you missed it, please click back HERE. It was a watershed moment in my Sugar Sober […]

    Like

  8. Moi says:

    Nothing really great comes easy. I am so impressed by your journey here – stay motivated. Your faith is inspiring!

    Like

  9. Thank you for sharing your story – as you are living it! God has His perfect plan for you and your life; and I am glad to be reading along with you!

    Like

  10. Leah says:

    Thank you for being vulnerable with us. I am encouraged by your hope!

    Like

  11. Sarah Travis says:

    Beth this is beautiful and I feel like you just walked into my life and gave me a huge hug! I have had people asking how I’m doing 12 days into sugar-freeness and I’m fine! I know it will hit at some point but like you I have also been so sugar-saturated that I still have some in reserve! I do know I feel healthier and just knowing that I am honoring God with my body brings more JOY than any sugar could provide 🙂
    Blessings on the journey xox

    Like

    • Beth Hess says:

      Sarah… I’d love to give you a huge hug. I’m glad you can feel it even across the miles. It helps to have you walking this with me. When the hard days inevitably come, it helps to not be alone.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: