October 15, 2014 by Beth Hess
Regardless of the entrapment, we all long for freedom.
While we don’t all share the same struggle, I have found some of my greatest strength from others who share their stories of emergence. Those brave and transparent enough to talk about how life looks from the inside of the egg, even as the shell is cracking and the light is blinding.
When I signed on to take the 31 Day writing challenge for October, Amber Cadenas was one of the first to grab my hand and say, “I’ll walk this with you. I will be your cheerleader. I will read and respond and pray and press into your story.” Even as she is walking her own. It has been one of the biggest blessings of my last two weeks.
So when I read a recent post about her own journey of becoming, it so resonated with my heart as I’m experiencing a newness through Sugar Sobriety that I couldn’t help but share. Because even though we all have to walk our own paths, birth our own stories, and tear down our own walls, there is a stunning grace when we know we are hatching ourselves next to other brave and beautiful souls.
So please welcome my dear friend Amber and her words from the Beautiful Rubbish blog.
When being is a coming out, by Amber Cadenas, October 14, 2014
I am a moth cocooned.
Seed breaking open in the earth.
Match flame flickering on cave walls.
A waxing crescent moon.
A chick sodden in birth’s yolk, pecking her way out to bigger life.
I stood in a barn on Saturday and watched these chicks behind glass, incubating, stumbling around on shaky legs, fluffing feathers as they dried. A row of eggs in front showed varying signs of birth in process. A beak poking through webbing cracks. The upper half of a tiny body wriggling, struggling in slow motion, to emerge.
She looked so alone in that foreground, the only one breaking this far out. I wanted to stay and cheer her on. I needed to know she’d make it. Instead, I finally whispered to her and walked away among the children clamoring around the farm.
In passing conversation, people often ask, What’s new? and the most honest and compelling answer would be – Me. I’m new.
But this, of course, is not for words exchanged in a hurry.
It’s one of those seasons where most of life seems to be happening beneath the surface and I forget how hard it is to translate this kind of life into words at all, let alone here, in my writing. My writing, in so many ways, has become my way of seeing. My gauge of sight. If I am not writing, I fear it is because I am not seeing. Anxiety swoops in, strings her web across the walkway, and I feel it on my skin, trying to shake free. All the things I am not doing in order to live the life I desire, all the ways I am not being that normally open my eyes to see, taunt me.
Until I STOP.
And remember where I am. For maybe it’s true that I need, for the rest of my soul, for the care of my body, to slow down and sit and rest in these places of seeing. But scolding myself only makes me curl in a ball of shame.
And maybe it’s true, too, that be-ing isn’t always a quiet rest and slowing down, as much as this is what I crave. Maybe be-ing can also be a coming out and into who I am, who I’ve been all along and who I’m still becoming. And this, right here, is not a quiet process. It’s turbulent, exhausting, unnerving, compelling. Yes, this. I am compelled to come out. To become this person I can’t quite see yet, but who is slowly coming into focus.
It’s a season of staring from the inside at walls that are cracking, opening, breaking. A pushing up and out of the earth. A shaking out of birth’s dampened wings. And I am learning, ever so slowly, to be more gentle with myself, for it’s hard to see in here.
Harder, still, to grasp for words. And yet, I reach.
In response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October while I stay sugar-free. You can read previous posts HERE. To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter using the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email. Feel free to Tweet your own experiences with #sugarsoberoctober as well.
PLEASE use the comment section to share your own thoughts, questions, or experiences. Like any road, sugar sobriety is one more easily walked with friends. I do my best to reply to every comment.